Candidly me

I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough… And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome, I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…

On a rainy morning such as earlier, I woke up with those lines in my head. Rains have always made me waking up at the right side of the bed,  and those lines have always been my cane in my imbalance state. I sure  have always claim the a right to own those words. Being strong in a world where all you could ever do is fight off the longing of surrendering to the weakness of being alive and staying on until the end.

Isn’t it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?

Its suppose to always be lke that, that first time in every thing. Makes sense to treat each adventure as the first time for you wont even try to endure if it were  your nth time, cant even be called an adventure. And love, its always been a brilliant teacher , equal as experience. Love never fails to let you battle with your inner demons and angels.

Perhaps its all about Strength and Love. What’s the correlation? That there is strength in love? We do draw strength from love dont we? In the most weakest way in us that is. Thats the glorious part.

The sun shall set in a few hours and I’ll be off for another sunrise later on. I hate feeling this weak sometimes. Migraine and emotional weakness  inside me the whole day. Geez I dont think this is all about Edward Cullen.  He does’nt really make a cute vampire but I shall read him thru.

Taking a break from my current engagement. Im engage to the The Twilight series. I didnt even thought of joining the vampire fanatics in the office when I heard of the infectious saga. But I gave in when i got the manuscript on my email from a friend.

The twilight fever has been circulating as fast as a vampire smelling blood around the office. Almost everyone’s nose are on the manuscripts we can pull out on our emails and yup I am one of them but my eyes just cant take the long period on the computer. I think I may need to buy the book. Stucking up my nose on the computer screen, I can just feel my eyes so swollen already and my head splittingly aching.

The series are five huge books which reminds me of how i shoved away reading the Harry Potter series. Im so lazy to read the Harry Potter thick books so I resorted to watching the movies. I never even watched all series of it that were filmed. Then here comes another series which is dubbed as the next big thing after Harry Potter’s sorcery adventures. Now its a vampire series.

-Twilight
-New Moon
-Eclipse
-Breaking Dawn

These are the four books so far released by the publishers of Stephenie Meyer. The fifth one would’ve been the Midnight Sun but for some unfortunate circumstance, it leaked out of their hands and was posted illegally around the internet. So she posted the partial draft instead on her website. I don’t want to read that draft unless I’ve read all of the four. Yay! I have to commit to this. Kudos to me if id be able to finish the books at my estimated time. Wish me luck.

I remember reading Stephenie Meyer’s account on how the series was conceived.

“I woke up (on that June 2nd) from a very vivid dream. In my dream, two people were having an intense conversation in a meadow in the woods. One of these people was just your average girl. The other person was fantastically beautiful, sparkly, and a vampire. They were discussing the difficulties inherent in the facts that A) they were falling in love with each other while B) the vampire was particularly attracted to the scent of her blood, and was having a difficult time restraining himself from killing her immediately.”

After that, she just cant stop herself writing each book until now and fanatics cant stop reading each of the series. When I heard of the vampire story, i dismissed it as a lame typical vampire love story I’ve always imagined in my head. Vampire falling in love with a non-vampire, vampire fighting off the urge to kill his lover and so on and so forth. But here I am, targeting to finish all of those fat books. I thought of it as an absurd idea but what urged me really to dive into such absurdity is when I found that I’m not getting the stocks I was supposed to be entitled of due to some stupid policy the stupid merging or buyout of the company.

Overbreak!

Someone told me that its never you who’d always be followed and that some power of the universe always control some things here on earth.  Some and the other some is up to you. Or was that someone or me who told that to myself?

Ive come to realize lately that I can never be able to see what is always out there unless I go and dive in to that abyss. Crap! Screw life changing challenges. Screw the dangers that awaits risking my life. Screw the real world. I am real and I am my life. This shall be a never ending jump and Ive always told myself that Id do it. Yet, in my constant contemplation of the next plot of my  life, somehow, there comes a point wherein I see myself stranded. Whether its because Im contented or its because I like the current state.

Reality check, humans can never go contented for its our nature to yearn for more once we’ve gotten hold of a former yearning. That in itself defies my claim of being stranded either because of contentment or sheer stability. Nothing is stable except being unstable.

Whatever triggered those thoughts. I bet its the cold rainy dawn.

*****

I wonder how’s my blog doing. Ive maintained several blogs. Ive had a Livejournal, Blogspot, Wordpress, Multiply and this one. The livejournal died long ago. The rest - except for this longest running one - are still  alive  with no updates for the current month. My friend once asked why in the world I engaged to blogging. It got me thinking and threw a ‘why’ in the back of my mind to myself. Why? Its my therapy for crying out loud. I blog my complications and with all saved and published, its like Ive lived my life in clear nothingness. Makes sense? Who cares. Ive been blogging offline in my journals eversince the word Diary was founded. It all were confined in different fancy notebooks. Each of them filled with scribbles of my emotions. And if I may recall where they are right now? Geez, where are they? Im sure its back in my hometown. Somewhere in the bodega of our home. Sometimes Id worry if someone would read it but later on, I let it go. Id probably dig them up, sometime soon when I go home.

Gotta run and feel the Halloween in town. A Halloween in front of a computer was the last thing I thought Id found myself in earlier. So Ciao blog.

Im back vlogging here BECAUSE - its new and i love - NEWness. I mean I’m ressurecting my subliminal pursuit. Its been a while since I last seriously posted here. And yeah its newly incorporated with wordpress.When I was a kid i’d try to the best of my destructive ability to destroy my pair of slippers just so my parents could buy a new set for me. Yes, tsinelas. Babaw noh? But its me . That’s the history of my disorder and inclination to new stuffs. Well, not so obsessed though, I just, uhm, extremely like new things?:) I dont do that anymore, y’know, being a chucky’s bride to my tsinelas. For one thing, I’ve neglected this page for quite a long time since I started my new blog turf on blogger (plugjoansyndrome.blogspot.com> deal with it , beware of my melodramatic mumblings and nonsense screams. Like it or not, its not my problem). I started this one way back 2006 and so its 2 yrs old. Wow, never thought its that long.

Another thing, i love new things especially if its out of compliments. I dont want to cause my own financial damages because when i do start buying myself new things, its more than damaged finances but damaged soul as well. When Im depress and im led to a mall, like most notorious girls do, i tend to shop like a maniac. Dont even think im rich coz im not. I just tend to spend in the most unrestrricted way whenever I have some penny in my pocket which is suppose to be allotted for a much reasonable needs. So depression results to extravagant spending resulting to another depression. Poor me , i know. I told you Im poor. silly!

I never thought I could make a nice spot here than my new site. I mean the design and all. Im getting bored with my MindTinklings look, i’ve got to have that restructured and repainted with html and css bling bling. I adore webdesigning but my attention span with online tutorials are so weak that in less than 15 mins, the next thing i know, ive opened a gazzilion site windows and the mission of coming up with a design vanishes in thin air. But this one here, I tweaked it up to have a taste of Bunch-ish. I love minimalist design, as Ive said I love simplicity out of intricate details. I love white. I love tsinelas and i dont intentionally kill them anymore.

“sweet life I know
will it fade away
sweet life I know
can we give enough before we come undone
before we come undone
I’m waiting for the love to come around
and save us from ourselves”

The Mad Life. My soundtrack.Dishwalla.Bittersweet.When everything is lost something’s found.When everything seems a mistake something came on right.I just miss the sun.

Photo credit goes to Pedro here. This is his best so far in his photographic exploits:) He should start some serious acts on photography before I do for it’ll surely be a stiff competition.haha.ambititous.:)

Shot at Ginatilan, my last beach whoring.